• Poison Peanuts
• Repellent Spray
• Repellent Shaker Bag
• Mole Trap
• Gopher Traps
• Sonic Spikes
• Mice & Rat Products

Protect Your Lawn

Sweeney’s is a brand consumers have trusted for over 100 years.

Every Weapon You Need to Eliminate Moles & Gophers.

Sweeney’s is the # 1 selling Mole & Gopher Bait.

 

Long accustomed to homeowners telling us about their mole frustrations, a few years ago we decided to create a forum for people to vent. Hence, the "I Hate Moles Because..." contest was born. Designed to ferret out the most aggravating mole stories and the most creative solutions for getting rid of the pesky critters, it seems to have worked. Three years later, thousands of people across American have penned their "mole woe" stories, and we are delighted to announce the winners of our 4th annual "I Hate Moles Because..." contest. Our grand prize winner will receive a $500 gift certificate and ten other lucky winners will receive a gift basket stuffed with enough Sweeney's supplies to help win their war on moles!

A True story: MOLE MISERIES

Written by: Janet

I'm just a lowly teacher
Really weary of you, "creature"!
You've made our lawn a mess
With your runs, I must confess!

You dig and plow and burrow
And with every little furrow
You NEVER show your face
And our grass is a disgrace!

You've ruined all the flowers
Where you spend your many hours
Just snackin' on those worms.
Boy, I hope you ALL get germs!

We tried the poison pellets
Never touching with a hand;
But like a cat with 'nine lives'
Your burrows, they still stand!

My last resort was dog poo;
I stuffed up every hole!!
Your answer to the smelly mess?
FORGET IT!!....I'm a MOLE!!

BEWARE OF MOTHER NATURE

Written by: Jeff

Nature can be one bad mother. She's an ungrateful wench, too. Despite all I've done for her, she has it in for me and has released her armies to prove it. This is war both on my property and now, I fear, my sanity, too.

It didn't used to be this way. I spent many years fighting for her - sometimes radically and other times by working for an on the level tree hugger organization. I expected nothing in return for this valor. Sure, it would have been nice if she would have directed me to a mother lode of gold, but I was content watching the rare pileated woodpecker that she'd send to my yard every so often.

But somewhere along the line I crossed her and now I've gone from defending her to defending myself against her. Along the way, I've become Elmer Fudd chasing Bugs Bunny, Bill Murray demolishing gopher runs and a crazed Alice freefalling into the rabbit hole all rolled into one.

I should have seen this battle brewing, but didn't. Maybe it started on my first day at The Nature Conservancy. Humming 'Kumbaya' as I was driving to the office, I slowed at a curve in the highway just as a blue bird flew kamikaze-style into my fender. It dropped to the asphalt; dead as Rod Blagojevich's political career.

That's not a very good start to your mission of protecting nature, I thought to myself with some naivete.

Retaliation started almost immediately. Moles appeared in my yard making it as pocked as a teenager's cheek. They also undermined my newly-laid brick sidewalk causing more cave-ins than a Chinese coal mine.

I was more annoyed than mad when the invasion began. I was confident that, when it came to man versus mole, the two-legged species would prevail. After all, these varmints have brains the size of a fingernail.

I studied the enemy. The moles burrowing in my yard are the Eastern mole variety (scalopus aquaticus). They lack external ears and have tiny eyes hidden beneath fur. Webbed toes and long claws help them tunnel at a rate of 12 to 15 feet per hour.

They'll eat as much as 100 percent of their weight daily and favor grubs, but won't ignore a tasty earthworm or crunchy beetle. Moles don't eat plants, but the tunnels they make are inviting to mice that may drop in for a dinner of bulbs dangling from above.

The tunnels we see from above ground are their feeding runs and once they depleted the food supply in those, they plow on to more fertile ground. After their bellies are full, moles descend deeper into the ground (about two feet) to sleep off their gluttony.

Confident with this knowledge, I went to the hardware store and purchased my arsenal. Smoke bombs, "smoke 'em out their holes," as a president once said; poisoned peanuts, an enticing, if not deadly treat; surface traps, I see them all over the golf course.

With the bombs dropped, the peanuts poured and traps set I figured I had kissed goodbye to the mole problem. They would never expect an attack on three different fronts, I chuckled. The laughing soon stopped. Not only were they still alive, but they were expanding to new frontiers of my yard until they had me surrounded.

I upped the game and resorted to WMDs (weapons of mole destruction). I purchased vibration sticks at $25 a pop that were 'guaranteed' to drive moles batty and out of my yard. I commissioned 'Dead Bug' Doug to saturate the lawn with toxic chemicals. I called in a landscaper who dangled toxic bug decoys in the runs. Nothing stopped them.

Feeling let down by the commercial products, I resorted to voodoo. I was told Juicy Fruit gum, mothballs and even whiskey placed in the runs would oust the critters. No deal.

The final straw came on a moon-lit night as I stood in the yard swigging a bottle of Old Crow. I howled insanely and unzipped my pants. I was told putting human urine in the runs would repel them. When it didn't, I was deflated and realized the moles had won. I raised my zipper and the white flag, conceding defeat.

THESE IRRITATING MOLES

Written by: Nicole

For years now I've had these moles. They get bigger every summer, and they are really hairy. The neighbors keep asking me why they are still here. I tell them they will not go away. Everyone says they are so ugly. They cause me so many problems. It embarrasses me that I can't get rid of them. I'm ashamed that people know about them. It's so noticeable that I can't hide it. I'm tired of everyone pointing at them every time I go in town people point at me and say, "That's the girl that has moles." My neighbors and friends don't have them so why me? I have spent a lot of money trying to get rid of them, but they are still here. I can't wear my swim suit because of them, will you please help me get theses moles off my back. Do you offer laser surgery?

MOLEKU

Written by: Laurel

My feelings about moles can only be adequately expressed through the ancient Japanese art form of haiku:

Underneath green lawns
They lurk, tiny blind devils.
Heel sinks. Damn you, moles.

WHY I HATE MOLES & HOW THEY STOLE MY MONEY

Written by: Tim

It's been a four year battle with these furry, ugly, dirt moving, tunnel digging and yard destroying, creatures from the depths of the earth. For thirty years I lived without a sign of these varmints in my yard doing the nasty business of trenching and creating ankle twisting hazards all over my yard. Not to mention killing plants and unearthing grass and anything I tried to grow. Then after all those years of peace the invasion began and my money began to disappear as I began to wage war against these underground rats from hell. They must have been sent by the Devil himself to rob me of time of enjoyment in my future retirement years, as my 401K money goes for the mole war effort to conduct search and destroy missions with all possible means. The fight started with optimism, a full treasury, and the thought that all it would take would be a few bags of grub control and they would be gone. Without grubs as a source of one of the moles' favorite foods to eat, we would starve them off of my property. It was a small amount of money to expend $68.37 with sales tax for enough to cover the yard and rid me of these menaces to my life. I'm not sure if the grub control I purchased contained a hormone that caused the moles to multiply, but multiply they did and the more my yard began to look like a wasteland! Hmmm! Maybe I had not applied enough grub control we added more grub control and more money expended this time $89.78 for another application. Still more destructive tunnels the moles were winning and my money was depleting. Okay we needed more funding for a bigger effort to rid me of these earth worm eating excavators. A friend said, a cat is what you should get to bring an end to these pest. So my wife would not hear of a simple alley cat no, it must be a Bengal Cat (world's most expensive) with a good pedigree if it is to be a member of our household. Bengal sounded like a hunter to me so I went for it. $1,446 was more than I wanted to pay, but retirement can wait. It was a nice cat that never delivered even a small mouse to the house. The moles' laughter could be heard as the cat pounced around the yard. More money was needed. Maybe President Obama could send me some of that economic stimulus money to use in the war effort. Traps, poisons, water flooding, carbon monoxide gas and ground piercing objects and an extra heavy duty ground flattening 500lb roller pulled behind the garden tractor were employed to fight them off and bring life back to my yard. An additional $1,023 went into the effort. (Who needs vacation money when moles are attacking the homeland? By the way where is the Homeland Security Department when you need them anyhow?) Still, the moles were winning and taking my money. Then the Big money grabber came from the moles. Yes, it was an accident that the Fuller Brush salesman came into my yard that day and stepped in the moles deepest trench. His leg was broken in three places from the fall. Homeowners insurance said that they did not cover broken legs caused by mole trenches. The Fuller Brush salesman's lawyer threatened to sue for lost wages and doctor and hospital bills, not to mention pain and suffering as well as the fact that the lawyer needed to pay for his new boat and house. Due to the settlement, I am forbidden to discuss the exact amount but the loan against the 401K was very large and full retirement is out of the question. Okay, I have had it with these moles! I called in the professionals to end this once and for all. So I did my homework and found the company that said they could trap those moles and your problems would be over. It seemed reasonable for $ 286.00. They would dig into my yard and plant the traps underground in the tunnels. So they came and planted and one week later they came back to dig them up and they would be sending all the moles to the happy hunting ground for moles, or at least to the farm where they could live. So when they came back and begun to dig up the traps I expected to see lots of expired moles come from the ground. What did I get but one dead mole for a cost of $286.00. (By this time I'm asking my wife for mole recipes, because grocery money is going down the mole holes.) Then the best day of my life came as I told my tale of woe to a distant cousin in a faraway state. "Did you not know of Sweeney's products?" he said. "Tell me more," I said. "They will solve your problem with their great line of mole removing products. They're economical and they won't rob you of your retirement savings to make those moles a thing of the past." So I loaded up on Sweeney's fine products and now my problem is solved. Ah! I can see the retirement golf course in my future again.

MASTER MOLE HUNTER

Created by: Tim

Warning: Viewer Discretion is Advised - Some Content May Be Disturbing

BEETLE vs. MOLE

Written by: Bill

After trying all the normal methods for getting rid of my moles such as trapping, castor beans, drowning, lawn windmills, and chewing gum I decided to bring in the heavy equipment. No, I wasn't about to plow up my lawn and start over with gravel. I thought about my Volkswagen Beetle with its small twin exhaust pipes. I drove the Beetle into the heartland of the mole village and ran two rubber pipes from the exhaust pipes into two different tunnels and piled some dirt on the pipes to seal them to the ground. After running the little Beetle engine for about 30 minutes and smelling exhaust fumes seeping out of the lawn, I knew my plan would work. For a few days, I thought it had worked. Might have, but my lawn died from the fumes. After I replanted with grass sod, the moles eventually came back. I now have resigned to share my lawn with these varmints. I give up.

A LAWN CHAIR, COLD BEER & A SHOVEL

Written by: Cindy

My husband has a sure-fire way to get rid of moles. It's called the "lawn chair-cold beer-shovel" method.

Every spring we, like so many others in our part of south-central Illinois, start noticing mole runs in our yard. Usually the first warm, sunny afternoon, you'll see my husband, walking ever so slowly through the yard, with his head down, focused on the hunt he is about to take. Once he spots movement, he's off to the garage to gather his weapons!!

Armed with his favorite lawn chair, a sharp shovel and his favorite beverage (usually a chilled Bud Light), he sits at the mole run where he has seen movement. There have been times he has sat, ever so quietly, for up to a half hour at a time (or long enough to enjoy his beer). He says the secret is sitting so still and quiet, that the mole doesn't realize anyone is there, kinda like a lion on the prowl, I guess.

Personally, I think he likes the "me-time". The neighbors drive by or look out their windows in anticipation! When he notices the mole moving, things happen pretty fast! He stabs the shovel behind the moving mole, which causes the mole become confused and turns around! He then quickly removes the shovel and starts digging!!

There have been some you-tube moments when the (dug up) mole goes flying through the air, kind like rocky the flying squirrel. My husband slaughters the mole, right there in the yard for all to witness. Being the victorious hunter, he proudly shows off his kill to all (usually me) who will offer him praise. I don't ask him what he does with the remains. I think I heard him call our local taxidermist late one night.

The moles apparently don't have a very good communication network, cause every year they come back. Sometimes I think it's to try and outsmart the hunter!! What they don't know is my husband is the smart one!! Just look at him out there in his lawn chair with a shovel in one hand and a bud light in the other!

UNDER(GROUND) PRESSURE

Written by: Tressa

I hate moles because of the detrimental health risks the very word mole does to my husband. Have you ever seen veins in your neck turn blue and poke out on a red neck? Have you ever seen brown eyes turn black? His voice goes many decibels louder, which takes a long time to calm down.

My husband has used chewing gum (which they kicked back out of their holes), he has bought vibrating mechanisms, he has bought grub killer, he has had traps and even gotten my steak knife to go stab a subtle ground movement in hopes of finishing the little creature off. Unfortunately, the mole has even gotten to him so much he has put his own life in jeopardy.

Tommy is a mechanic and one hot summer afternoon he flew home because he had an idea that would forever get of the moles. He had recently bought a Craftsmen lawnmower. He dragged it out with a container of oil. The project was going to be done on the side of the house because we had lost more rose bushes and the ground was impossible to walk on. All of a sudden a huge summer storm came and brought torrential rain, lightning, one strike after another and constant thunder. No one would think of standing in a yard with danger so close!

The next thing I know, I can hear the lawn mower revving up, over and over. What was he doing? He had added oil to the gas, somehow stuck a hose to the exhaust which was connected to a pipe in the ground. OH MY GOSH! He is fuming them out of their holes! I could hardly see him through the rain. Lightning showed him pretty bright and lawnmower revving was in competition with the thunder! The children were screaming about the danger their father was in. I went around the front of the house and saw a sight I will never forget. Every mole hole, dozens of them, were releasing gray and black smoke that drifted to the sky.

My husband and the lawnmower survived the ordeal, but a week later, another rose bush and hosta plant died.

Tommy always "gets his man," but not in this case. Twenty plus years of mole hating has taken a toll thanks to the mole.

DANIELLE THE MOLE SLAYER

Written by: Mary

Our granddaughter was eight years old when the event that the stuff of legends are made of occurred. My husband had been trying to banish a pesky mole from our yard for several days, using various methods and applications without success.

On the day that this event that will be told and retold in our family happened, my husband was trying to pierce through the molehill with the garden fork, to no avail. All of a sudden he heard: "Grandpa, I got him!!" He went to investigate, and our brave Danielle had speared the mole with a six inch long stick.

Henceforth in our family she is known as Danielle the Mole Slayer. She refused to wear the sash that I offered to make her.

Click here to read the winning story