Long accustomed to homeowners telling us about their mole frustrations, a few years ago we decided to create a forum for people to vent. Hence, the “I Hate Moles Because…” contest was born. Designed to ferret out the most aggravating mole stories and the most creative solutions for getting rid of the pesky critters, it seems to have worked. Three years later, thousands of people across American have penned their “mole woe” stories, and we are delighted to announce the winners of our 3rd annual “I Hate Moles Because…” contest. Our grand prize winner will receive a $500 gift certificate and ten other lucky winners will receive a gift basket stuffed with enough Sweeney's supplies to help win their war on moles!
GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
Written by: Amy Fleming
I just bought my first house,
A single girl, who's afraid of a mouse.
It may be the perfect place for me,
But the yard is big, from the pond to the tree.
It's a little more then I bargained for,
Almost an acre and so much more.
Mow, weed, and trim; just try to keep up,
More then enough for me and my pup.
Out doing my weekly mow; front, sides, and back,
That's when a molehill stopped me dead in my track.
I recognized the hill from my youth,
Mowed over it and the dirt went _poof._
Oh darn, is what went through my mind,
How many more would I find?
I decided to take a look around,
One here, one there, and more to be found.
Up, up, up, come the dirt and the grass,
Why me I thought, what a pain in my ass.
Mole after mole knocking on my door,
This is not what I signed up for.
My frustration and obsession continue to grow,
With this animal that is way down below.
Just trying to take care of my lawn,
And here I am chasing moles after dawn.
So it's off to the store I go,
Up and down the aisles, to and fro.
Not sure what to look for,
Finally the aisle of poisons galore.
I leave with the pellets to kill,
Stick it in the ground and be very still.
Did I mention, I don't do well,
With critters that the pet store doesn't sell.
So while I take matters into my own hand,
Trying to get possession of this land.
I'm jumping all around,
Terrified he will come out of the ground!
Afraid to meet my enemy,
Be brave I say, the neighbors are watching me.
I'm on a mission to kill a mole,
Time to shove the pellets down in his hole.
As the tunnels continue to spread,
One of us is going to wind up dead.
Temporarily it appears he has gone away,
Only to pop up somewhere else in a day.
Alright mister that's enough,
I'm running out of this poison stuff.
No end in sight,
This little guy puts up quite a fight.
My money is becoming less,
And you are causing all my stress.
Die or go away instead,
Now you've gotten into my head.
Here I am writing a poem about you,
Just go away, I said to shoo.
Those are the joys of homeownership,
The next person to say this better shut their lip.
Those simple words are on my last nerve,
Like this is something that I deserve.
These beasts are mighty but small,
Time to make that one phone call,
Not sure what else to do,
Hi Dad. I need you!
Click here to check out the 10 runner-ups!