Protect Your Lawn
Sweeney’s is a brand consumers have trusted for over 100 years.
Every Weapon You Need to Eliminate Moles & Gophers.
Sweeney’s is the # 1 selling Mole & Gopher Bait.
Long accustomed to homeowners telling us about their mole frustrations, a few years ago we decided to create a forum for people to vent. Hence, the “I Hate Moles Because…” contest was born. Designed to ferret out the most aggravating mole stories and the most creative solutions for getting rid of the pesky critters, it seems to have worked. Three years later, thousands of people across American have penned their “mole woe” stories, and we are delighted to announce the winners of our 3rd annual “I Hate Moles Because…” contest. Our grand prize winner will receive a $500 gift certificate and ten other lucky winners will receive a gift basket stuffed with enough Sweeney's supplies to help win their war on moles!
GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
Shock & Awe
Written by: Arthur from Connecticut
It was a successful outcome in spite of a very troubled journey. What began as remedial efforts to address what I thought was a simple mole problem, soon blossomed into an annual offensive of near military proportions.
My initial venture into the realm of mole control yielded little, except to learn the ingenuity and tenaciousness of this elusive little creature is far greater than ever imagined. Vibrating cylinders, wind chimes, partially buried bottles, poison pellets, chewing gum, and a steel trap or two, didn't even put a dent in the problem.
They are truly the Taliban of mammals. These subterranean terrorists hid in an ever expanding maze of tunnels and caves in what I called the Tora Bora regions of my yard. Repeated carpet bombings with size 14 shoes, hoping to discover "active" tunnels for a remedy with minimal environmental impact, produced nothing.
The concept of “shock & awe" began to materialize in my mind.
Thoughts of introducing chemical, biological, and radiological bunker busting weaponry gradually "crept" into a growing arsenal. Stockpiles of Grub X, Mole Max, pesticides, "Giant Killer" smoke bombs, extreme moth balls, toxic fumigants, decibel deafening devices, and things I prefer not to mention, cluttered my garage and basement.
Hamstrung by local ordinances against gunfire, explosives, exotic carnivores, and illegal uses of electricity and propane gas, occasional thoughts of going "rogue" turned into full time fantasies. I now understand how lack of success begets cynicism, which feeds frustration that fuels paranoia to eventually become psychosis. Yes, moles can turn a peace loving, mild mannered suburbanite into a maniacal monster.
Each morning I'd survey the terrain through bloodshot eyes, dressed in camouflage and armed with the weapon of the day. It was at a time when I could hear them laughing at me at night. Just when I thought the problem was under control, WHAM," another tunnel would appear out of nowhere.
A cat (advertised as a real "moler") was purchased and deployed. This seemed to work as victims of its instinctive urges began mounting on my doorstep - until I realized the body count came from neighboring yards. It seems hunting was another attribute it wouldn't do in its own backyard. I watched in horror one morning as it tired of fulfilling its purpose, and just walked away from its wounded captive. This allowed an undoubtedly more determined little terrorist to scurry off into MY grass. I now had both a mole AND a cat problem.
However, as my journey of many experiments began to show results, it came with some costs. My wife vehemently disapproved. I got the hint when I found granules of a product I was trying called "Critter Ridder" sprinkled on my side of our bed. For Sale signs popped up throughout the neighborhood, and I noticed a steep decline in social invitations.
Now, as I look out on my domain - little puffs of smoke rising from a barren, fractured moonscape - not a blade of grass in sight, I've finally discovered the key to ridding a yard of this menace. Although I no longer have a lawn - more importantly, I don't have moles. So, no lawn - no problem. And this has given me a peaceful mind at last.
Wait a minute! What's that? A fresh tunnel? Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!