Here are just a few of the mole stories we have received already. Remember, you have until Tuesday, August 31st 2010 to get your story in. Our grand prize winner will receive a $500 gift certificate and ten other lucky winners will receive a gift basket stuffed with enough Sweeney's supplies to help win their war on moles!

Moles Under the House

Written by: Sylvia

We know it's moles, because our cat has brought a couple of the babies up on our porch. We've tried the poison granules, taking out a wedge of the tunnel and carefully placing the spoonful of granules in the tunnel and putting the dirt back. The BIGGEST problem we have is that they are getting under the house!

I was sitting at the kitchen table one night and happened to look over in the corner near the dishwasher. To my surprise, there was a little pile of dirt several inches high! I said, "WHAT'S THAT!!" I had swept the floor that afternoon, and it wasn't there then. I swept it up and got a flashlight and then a mirror. When our cabinets were built, a small hole (2"X3") was left open. When I looked through the hole, there was a large pile of dirt, some of which had fallen through onto the floor. We cut a small piece of wood and glued it over the hole and began the next day to fight the moles. We found tunnels in a number of places right up against out foundation! We found tunnels in the yard and out beside the driveway. We've been poisoning them for months and they just seem to move someplace else (or their progeny take over). We've just bought a bottle of Sweeney's spray repellent that we are going to spray around the foundation and outward. I sure hope this helps...we're beginning to fear for our foundation.

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These Irritating Moles

Written by: Nicole

For years now I've had these moles. They get bigger every summer, and they are really hairy. The neighbors keep asking me why they are still here. I tell them they will not go away. Everyone says they are so ugly. They cause me so many problems. It embarrasses me that I canÕt get rid of them. I'm ashamed that people know about them. ItÕs so noticeable that I can't hide it. IÕm tired of everyone pointing at them every time I go in town people point at me and say "ThatÕs the girl that has moles" . My neighbors and friends don't have them so why me? I have spent a lot of money tring to get rid of them, but they are still here. I can't wear my swim suit because of them, will you please help me get theses moles of my back. Do you offer laser surgery?

Ha-ha, Thanks for taking the time to read to my story.

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The Drive-in Movie Theatre

Written by: Timothy

I hate moles. Yes, theyÕre one of GodÕs creatures but I firmly believe they were created to convict us of our sins and for no other reason. At the risk of offending all animal activist, moles are useless, destructive, a nuisance, and, if youÕve ever looked one directly in the face, extremely ugly. They sort of look like my grandmother, without her false teeth in, trying to suck a thick milkshake through a straw thatÕs too small. They even have the same little mustache.

Living in the country, in the South folks would say I live in the sticks, I raise cattle. My place isnÕt the Ponderosa but I have a few cows. You may not be aware of it but moles kill cows. Not by attacking them directly but in a more subversive manner. Moles dig tunnels. Lots and lots of tunnels. They dig them everywhere. IÕve got mole tunnels in my yard. IÕve got mole tunnels in my hay fields. IÕve got mole tunnels in my pastures. IÕve got moles everywhere. IÕve even got a few moles on my back but thatÕs another story. Imagine, if you will, a docile cow grazing and strolling through the pasture when they happen to step on a mole tunnel. The tunnel collapses due to the weight of the cow. The cowÕs hoof sinks about a foot into the ground cause him or her to trip, often times breaking a leg. I am then forced to shot the cow and eat it. The fact that the cow tripped and broke a leg is why it had to die. The mole was the root cause and is why I hate moles.

IÕve done everything to get rid of this scourge. IÕve planted sonic devices in the ground guaranteed to drive away any rodent, not just moles. The moles convert these devices to MP3 players and party. IÕve used various poisons only to discover the moles use the poison as appetizers. IÕve even gone so far as to pump huge quantities of kerosene into their tunnels and ignite it, to no avail. All I succeeded in doing was blowing up large portions of my front yard, setting a few pine trees on fire and burning off half a hay field while the moles spread out checkered blankets and spent a leisurely day watching me try to put out the fire. A wise old uncle advised me to get a number of cats. According to him, with cats, moles donÕt stand a chance. Made sense to me so, even though I donÕt really care for cats, I got a dozen. These cats were mutts. I got them from the animal shelter and gave them a pleasant home in the country. The cats proceeded to form an alliance with the moles and began to attack the squirrels. Every morning I would find another dead, mangled squirrel on my front porch as if to say, ÒDonÕt mess with the moles or youÕre next.Ó I was beginning to despair of ever ridding myself of these terrorists when I stumbled upon a sure fire means of freeing myself of all moles.

The answer was right there in front of my nose the entire time. It was so simple and obvious I canÕt imagine why I didnÕt think of it sooner. I was driving home from the co-op and as I passed the drive-in movie theater, yes, we still have one, the solution to my problem hit me like a lightning bolt. Later that evening as the sun was going down I invited all the moles to go with me to the movies at the drive-in. It was double feature night and they were showing The Mole That Ate Cleveland and The Mole of the Baskerville. I loaded about a half ton of dirt in the back of my pickup so theyÕd be comfortable and off to the movies we went. Of course the cats had to go too because at this point the moles and the cats were inseparable.

When we got to the drive-in the first thing I did was buy $100 worth of popcorn. Extra butter, extra salt. I dumped the popcorn out in the bed of my pickup and the moles and cats munched popcorn through the entire showing of The Mole That Ate Cleveland. When the first feature was over I casually asked who was thirsty. Well, of course they all were having eaten about a ton of buttery, salty popcorn. I gave each of them a dollar and sent them to the snack bar for a small coke. While they were waiting in line at the snack bar I drove home. That was two years ago and I havenÕt seen a mole since.

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Haiku Expression

Written by: Laurel

Underneath green lawns
They lurk, tiny blind devils.
Heel sinks. Damn you, moles.

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The Evidence Proves Otherwise

Written by: Susan

For several summers now, the mole tunnels have been like lines of string art decorating my back yard. In the tunnels we have tried used cat litter, castor oil, noise making devices that were designed to drive the little critters away.. and in the yard milky spore and grub killing pesticides - to no avail. The more attempts we made - the more tunnels we found. It seemed like my yard was a midnight buffet and word spread quickly around the world "The party's here! Bring your friends!" The moles were like gremlins, eating after midnight and getting wet... they seemed to multiply exponentially!

My frustration grew as no one could even walk in the backyard without stepping on, sinking into, or tripping on their brazen trails.

My dog would bark at the ground moving (i.e. moles swing dancings I'm sure) when we let him out at night to do his business. He liked to dig - but never came up with any of the pesky critters.

Many nights my husband and/or I would stand outside in the dark with a flashlight watching and daring the earth to move again. The score continued to grow - Moles: 2 Million Homeowners: 0

Then one day when my husband came home from work - I met him at the door telling him he had to come and see what the dog had done to the back yard. Standing on the deck my husband surveyed the torn up yard. Looking at me in disbelief- I told him the dog must have shared my pent up frustrations and had obviously gone crazy! The dog's bloodhound instincts must have kicked in as he followed each raised mole trail in the backyard... digging and digging trying to catch the elusive felons.

If I had only remembered to put away the pickax with a clump of dirt on it... leaning up against the house... He just might have believed me.

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Danielle the Mole Slayer

Written by: Mary

Our granddaughter was eight years old when the event that the stuff of legends are made of occurred. My husband had been trying to banish a pesky mole from our yard for several days, using various methods and applications without success.

On the day that this event that will be told and retold in our family happened, my husband was trying to pierce through the molehill with the garden fork, to no avail. All of a sudden he heard: "Grandpa, I got him!" He went to investigate, and our brave Danielle had speared the mole with a six inch long stick.

Henceforth in our family she is known as Danielle the Mole Slayer. She refused to wear the sash that I offered to make her.

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Master Mole Hunter

Created by: Tim

Warning: Viewer discretion is advised, Some Content May Be Disturbing

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Mole or Mole?

Written by: Kelly

I hate moles because they are a true indication that I had waaaaay too much fun in the sun as a youngster. So, last month, I went to the dermatologist, and she tells me that I have ... uh ... wait a minute! You mean the mole as in rodent, huh? Oops.

Well, I hate *those* moles because they are useless, unproductive members of society. They must be banished. Now!

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A Hole Free Lawn

Written by: Lynn

Is it a mole or a vole, I just don't know but there's a hole, I see that hole in my neighbors yard, it's making him so sour, It's my turn to worry, if it is a mole it can dig up to 18 feet an hour.

We need a fix, we need it fast, is it bubble gum or broken glass, Give me a hose, give me a shovel, I'll go old school, It's too barbaric, I can't go through, oh my gosh, I feel like a fool.

I hate moles and voles, oh yes, my yard is such a mess, I bought a cat to hunt those beasts, She caught them all, she had a feast.

Now my lawn is hole free, I can't believe what I see, A full plush lawn without a hole I hope to never again see a mole

Check back soon for more mole stories!